Tsar of Bohemia (silentwerewolf) wrote in darklordhq,
Tsar of Bohemia
silentwerewolf
darklordhq

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The Information Report

This is the wonderful less-than-acceptable report filed by me, Minion's Assistant, on Friday Febuary 6th, 2004.

*transcripts from the headquarters of the dark lord*
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'START REPORT

Name: Voldemort AKA: Voldie, Moldy Voldie, You-Know-Who, He who must not be named, etc.

Mission: Rid the world of muggles and un-purebloods.

At this time Voldemort is out biggest threat the the title of Supreme Dark Lord.

Quest: To overpower and perhaps distroy Voldie (even if his distruction is Harry's job he's only one 15 year old. We're and UNDEAD ARMY! GO US!)

*ahem ahem*

Weaknesse's: Um, hmmm...Oh! That spell put on Harry by his mom! And, er...SPORKS! AND PING PONG BALLS AND RUBBER DUCKIES! Everyone fears rubber duckies!

Ok then, at this time I would like to submit an idea for out next quest-Rescuing Snuffels!

Now back to Moldie Voldie, or whatever his name is...Why did he have to have such a snake-ish face when he came back? I don't know about you but that's really NOT attractive. There's no way he'll ever get a girlfriend wiht a face like that. Talk about extreme makeover. I wonder if they could make him look like

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Sirius, but that really wouldn't be fare to Sirius now would it? And how would Wormtail feel about serving someone who looked like one of his old friends? Hmmm...either wy I'm sure Voldie would fell a WHOLE lot more confident. Maybe then he wouldn't be so 'Avada Kedavra' all the time. It really is a turn off...

END REPORT

Oh, and the Death Eaters. What kind of name is that? I highly doubt they 'eat death' They should enter Voldie for a Queer Eye makeover before his next big 'Harry showdown' I'm sure it would give him quite an advantage, what with looking like Sirius and being dressed well too...It'd be like *POW POW* double whammy. Knoch 'em off their feet and by the time they realize who you are, you've run off with Snape and live in a little house in the suburbs and have the rest of the Death Eater posse over for poker on Fridays...How come no one else thinks of this stuff?...

ok
FINAL END REPORT'

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*from the transcripts of the headquarters of the dark lord*
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